Monday, 13 October 2014 17:54

Relationships | After He Cheats

Dating // September 15, 2014

Dear Made Woman,

I want to write to you about something that many women have experienced: their man cheating. However you found out -- you caught him red-handed, he confessed to you, the other woman confessed to you….it all is a dagger to your heart. HOW he cheated, be it physical, emotional or both…doesn’t matter. It tears you apart. All of your friends and family throw in their two cents: “Girl, get rid of him! You can do so much better!”  or “Let me tell you, if that was ME, I would have packed his stuff and left it on the curb for the garbage man!”

The reality of the situation is that betrayal cuts so deep emotionally that it makes it extremely difficult to process both mentally and emotionally. You will experience a wide range of emotions from anger, to sadness, to pain, to questioning yourself and what you don’t have that “she” does have. You may even question whether or not the cheating was “bad enough” to actually leave him. You will catch yourself rationalizing by saying things like, “Well, it’s not like he (insert even worse thing that he could have possibly done here). This is especially true if you have been with him for years and truly love him.

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Made Woman, I want to share with you the importance of being patient with yourself after your man cheats. You have to allow the process (as terrible as it is) to take hold. Do not succumb to pressure to “make a decision” about the fate of the relationship or get caught up in what others in your life have to say. You will NOT have all the answers right away because your judgment will be clouded and that is OK. It is also very possible to still love and hate him all at the same time. You don’t need to apologize for that or feel guilty about it. (Now if you’re man is a repeat offender, I have another article for you in a few weeks).  Do not ever cut your process short because you want to “keep him” or “compete” with the other woman. The most important person after your man cheats is…YOU. You have to take care of yourself and protect your sanity. Whether you stay with him or leave him, it is your decision and no one else’s. You make your moves when YOU are ready and truly healed. These are things that a Made Woman remembers as she is going through the storm after he cheats.

In your time of turmoil, shift the focus back to you and your emotions. Take a timeout, unwind and unplug. Reevaluate why you were with this person in the first place. Maybe there is a deeper underlying reason for this behavior. The key to containing a messy situation is to avoid acting out of anger and confusion. I know it’s not easy, but it is true that time heals all things. And while I can’t make the decision to stay or go for you, I can tell you that you deserve the best. The ABSOLUTE best. And that you deserve to be respected. While people do make mistakes, they also should know how to make it right. So if he cheats remember before you take action, take some time and get all the facts. Even if the relationship doesn’t work out you will be able to get out and keep your dignity. And that’s something you can hold onto forever.

Much love, 

Trisha DuVivier

Published in Relationships