Relationships // December 16, 2013
When it comes to romantic relationships, almost nothing is more anxiety provoking than these two words: break up. It just sounds traumatic, doesn’t it? I guess that’s why we do crazy passive-aggressive things to end relationships instead of just confronting it head-on. Things like: 1. Not answer the phone as much (great idea: make him call you more) 2. Take hours to reply to text messages and hope he gets the hint (because text messages can transmit your internal motivations) 3. Be super busy at work (because it’s super realistic to be working 24/7/365 and never have time to eat or sleep, let alone reply to a text message). Stop the madness! I know this isn’t easy, but hopefully these tips can help you in this process.
- It may sound trite, but think about how you would want to be treated if you were the one being broken up with. Seriously, though. Would you want someone screaming and yelling at you telling you all the reasons you are a terrible match for them? Or being mean and telling you why the way you chew food is annoying? I would imagine that you would want someone to talk to you and not play the blame game with you. If you feel that the person is not a good match for you, or the relationship is not working out, it is okay to say that. But, it is a good rule of thumb to be mindful of your delivery and tone. (Unless the guy was a raging jerk to you, then, I will gladly write another article on this topic from a different vantage point).
- Think about what you are going to say. It seems counterintuitive, but you would be surprised how many people initiate a break-up while sputtering out sentence fragments and things that don’t make sense. If you have made the decision to break up with the person, you don’t want to leave room for them to say things like, “What? Can you explain yourself better?” This can open the door to an unintended argument or a conversation that will feel like it is never-ending.
Like what you’re reading? Join Made Woman Mag’s mailing list for updates, special promotions and more. Click here!
- A break-up is not the appropriate time to initiate sex. No, it’s not “Goodbye sex.” It’s not “Well, this is the last time I will have sex with him!” Sex during a break up is confusing for both parties, and it makes things messy. It also makes you look very unsure of yourself and hard to take seriously. If you are so overwhelmed by his sexual prowess, call him rather than ending things face to face.
- If you care at all about the person, allow them time to share their feelings on the matter. I am not saying let him talk you into anything, but provide some space for him to talk if he chooses to do so. Try not to make the break up a forum for all your reasons why “this isn’t working for me.” All break up’s don’t have to lead into oblivion and be contentious. I am not saying that either one of you will feel fantastic, but feeling not so great is a heck of a lot better than feeling awful and unresolved.
Yes, ending a relationship can be a difficult and delicate situation. But, it doesn’t have to result in you or your significant other throwing things. Good communication can help smooth over the conversation. Do this the right way and you may end up with a friend rather than just an ex.