Wednesday, 31 December 2014 17:13

Best of 2014 | Do You Have Daddy Issues?

Best of 2014 // December 31, 2014

Daddy issues. Do we even know what that means? Usually we hear it tossed around to describe a woman who we perceive to be “damaged” in some way. Or we use it to slut-shame her. (You know, where society jumps all over a woman because she is sexually liberated or behaves in a way that one considers to be “too much like a man…” God forbid she doesn’t play by society’s prescribed rules).

The truth is, the term “daddy issues” should not be taken lightly. Rooted in ideas of psychotherapy, the term "daddy issues" implies that a woman’s problems in her romantic relationships are at least in some way connected to a dysfunctional relationship (or lack thereof) with her father. But these relationships do not always have to scream dysfunction. Sometimes the things a woman learns or experiences in the relationship with her father (or other male figure in her life), can subtly affect her romantic relationships. You would be surprised at how even the smallest things about your upbringing can have a huge impact. So, that begs the question: How do I know if I have daddy issues?

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Sorry to break it to you Made Woman, but there is no cut and dry response here. We all have issues, circumstances and events that cause us pain and affect our behavior. Including you guys out there. (Hello!) The key to identifying daddy issues is to make it a goal to achieve some insight about yourself and your patterns in love. Think about the relationship you had with your father or other paternal figure when you were a little girl. What examples did this person set for you? How did he shape your idea of what a man is? How did he contribute to your idea of what a healthy relationship looks like? If you did not have such a person in your life, where did you get your ideas about love and men from?

After you explore the answers to some of these questions, identify maladaptive or non-productive patterns in your relationships: Are you drawn to men who do not value you as much as you would like to be valued? Are you lenient with disrespect and “second chances”? Make some connections and where you see the issues…work on correcting them. Write them down. Think about them. You would be surprised how many women keep dating the same type of man (that is inherently terrible for them) over and over again. And these women don’t know why they are doing it! Be aware of your deficits and weak points.

And what happens if someone snickers at you one day and accuses you of having daddy issues? Laugh it off. At the end of the day, all women are shaped by their father figures and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are figuring it out. And you shouldn’t let anyone make you ashamed of it.
Self-exploration and getting at the root of “daddy issues” will not be fun, but in the end you will be a self–assured woman, and less likely to be taken advantage of in an unhealthy relationship.


Published in Dating
Thursday, 09 January 2014 19:22

Dating | Do You Have Daddy Issues?

Dating // January 9, 2014

Daddy issues. Do we even know what that means? Usually we hear it tossed around to describe a woman who we perceive to be “damaged” in some way. Or we use it to slut-shame her. (You know, where society jumps all over a woman because she is sexually liberated or behaves in a way that one considers to be “too much like a man…” God forbid she doesn’t play by society’s prescribed rules).

The truth is, the term “daddy issues” should not be taken lightly. Rooted in ideas of psychotherapy, the term "daddy issues" implies that a woman’s problems in her romantic relationships are at least in some way connected to a dysfunctional relationship (or lack thereof) with her father. But these relationships do not always have to scream dysfunction. Sometimes the things a woman learns or experiences in the relationship with her father (or other male figure in her life), can subtly affect her romantic relationships. You would be surprised at how even the smallest things about your upbringing can have a huge impact. So, that begs the question: How do I know if I have daddy issues?

Like what you’re reading? Join Made Woman Mag’s mailing list for updates, special promotions and more. Click here!

Sorry to break it to you Made Woman, but there is no cut and dry response here. We all have issues, circumstances and events that cause us pain and affect our behavior. Including you guys out there. (Hello!) The key to identifying daddy issues is to make it a goal to achieve some insight about yourself and your patterns in love. Think about the relationship you had with your father or other paternal figure when you were a little girl. What examples did this person set for you? How did he shape your idea of what a man is? How did he contribute to your idea of what a healthy relationship looks like? If you did not have such a person in your life, where did you get your ideas about love and men from?

After you explore the answers to some of these questions, identify maladaptive or non-productive patterns in your relationships: Are you drawn to men who do not value you as much as you would like to be valued? Are you lenient with disrespect and “second chances”? Make some connections and where you see the issues…work on correcting them. Write them down. Think about them. You would be surprised how many women keep dating the same type of man (that is inherently terrible for them) over and over again. And these women don’t know why they are doing it! Be aware of your deficits and weak points.

And what happens if someone snickers at you one day and accuses you of having daddy issues? Laugh it off. At the end of the day, all women are shaped by their father figures and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are figuring it out. And you shouldn’t let anyone make you ashamed of it.
Self-exploration and getting at the root of “daddy issues” will not be fun, but in the end you will be a self–assured woman, and less likely to be taken advantage of in an unhealthy relationship.


Published in Dating

Dating // August 12, 2013

Most women take a lot into consideration when choosing a mate. Do they have a job? Are they motivated? Ambitious? Do they work out? Do they like dogs? And if you consider yourself a spiritual woman -- meaning you live your life with self-love, compassion, and an understanding of a power greater than yourself -- I believe it is imperative that you unite with a partner who also has a spiritual mindset. By doing so you will create more alignment and harmony in your life, allowing the master plan to unfold as easily as it was designed to.

Just think about it. We can often throw a wrench in things when it comes to love. We are doing all this great work on ourselves -- meditating, praying, reading spiritual books, whatever the formula may be -- but it quickly goes out the door when we start to chase after love with the wrong person. If your potential partner’s values aren’t as deeply rooted as your own, it can throw you off track. They definitely won’t be able to aid your spiritual growth. Now imagine a relationship where your spiritual goals are aligned. Where you both can help each other grow in your beliefs, whatever those may be. As a spiritual advisor and life coach, I want you to be happily united with your spiritual mate. So here are my tips to help you manifest your ideal spiritual partner:

Do Your Own Work: Whether you go to therapy or meet with a life coach or pastor, work through your issues and let go of the past. Get to a place where you truly feel a sense of acceptance with yourself and an understanding of the greatness created within you.

Clarify Your Beliefs: Figure out what you believe. Your perfect spiritual partner cannot align with you if your don’t know what your core beliefs are.

Create a Daily Spiritual Practice: 15 minutes a day is all you need to quiet your mind, reinforce your self-worth and connect with the power greater than yourself. This can be God, Universe, Source, Nature, Love or anything that resonates with you. Take this time to remind yourself of your greatness, your purpose and that you are not alone. You can do this through prayer, mediation, gardening, hiking, journal writing or anything that quiets and centers your mind.

Know What You Want, But Be Flexible: Create a clear picture in your mind with the specific qualities of your ideal partner. Spend time daily thinking about them and telling the universe your are open to give and receive love. Remember to be open and flexible, because love doesn’t always come in the package you expect it to.

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Be Present and Stay in the Moment: This current moment is all that is real. Stay conscious and engage in it. Don’t wallow in past hurts or try to control the future. When you get to the future it will be now! Your perfect spiritual partner can be standing right in front of you, but because you are avoiding eye contact with your head down or glued to your cell phone, you may miss the connection.

Talk the Talk: While there is no need to be a religious fanatic, don’t shy away from conversations about your beliefs. You may be surprised who will connect with you because of what you believe.

Invite and Engage: Once you have set up a rapport with a potential mate, invite them to take part in your spiritual practice. Maybe it’s church or yoga or group meditation. If they say no, don’t force the issue. If they say yes, it may become another great way you can spend time together.

No relationship is perfect. But the basis of every good relationship is compatibility. Shouldn’t you be compatible on the things that are most important to you? Start with your beliefs and the rest will follow.

Published in Dating
Monday, 13 August 2012 04:55

Dating | New Ways to Meet Guys

August 13, 2012

You’ve dated your way through your friends’ friends.
Your coworkers are off limits.
And after one too many rom-com-worthy bad blind dates, you’re no longer accepting your family’s setups.

Where are you going to meet someone who’s right for you? Someone who will get your quirky jokes and likes rock climbing and extra extra spicy Thai food?

Here are five new ways to meet guys!

1. Host a Party
Everyone you know has a super-nice-I-don’t-know-why-he’s-single friend.  Now imagine putting all those great guys in one room--a room filled with your equally awesome single girl friends.  The likelihood of finding a match just got a lot higher, didn’t it?

2. Visit a sports bar on the night of an important local game

Tons of guys in one place + a very obvious conversation topic.  “Who’s winning?”  “Why would they put him in to pitch?”  “Do you think they’ll go all the way?”  See?  Easy conversation for hours.  Bonus points if you actually know something about the sport in question or if you research the game ahead of time.

3. The gym
You might not feel your cutest when you’re wearing yoga pants and a sheen of sweat, but it’s a look that lots of guys like.  And it’s incredibly easy to strike up a conversation--you can talk about how much you like the spin instructor, how you totally can’t do crow pose or how that one guy should really stop singing along with his iPod... 

4. Online - but not the way you think

You’ve probably already tried online dating (which can be awesome!) but have looked through your Twitter feed?  Or your friend’s Facebook friends?  Or your Linkedin connections?  The internet is filled to overflowing with platforms that connect people and non-dating websites can present a more realistic version of a person.  Even better, chatting with someone on Twitter or Facebook is less likely to be riddled with sexual tension and romantic expectation, so you can get a better read of their real, day-to-day life and personality before you go on a date with them. Don’t think of it as stalking... think of it as research.

5. Anywhere you’re engaging in a hobby that YOU love
Let’s keep it real.  This point?  It’s the most important one.  While taking a proactive approach to your lovelife is vital, it’s really important that you continue to be you and do things that light your fire.  Everyone--male or female--is attracted to enthusiastic, engaged people.  And if you’re doing something you love--sailing, taking cooking classes, going to poetry readings, hiking--you’re more likely to meet people who like similar things and to attract those people because you’re just so damn excited about what you’re doing.

Ultimately, you need to be the type of person you, yourself, would want to date.  If you’re a happy + active + excited person, you’re going to attract lots of the same. 

So get out there, own your awesome, and wait for the dates to roll in!


Published in Dating
Saturday, 14 July 2012 00:54

Dating | Soul Mates + The One

July 16, 2012

We all want a soul mate. “The One.”


Your perfect partner who can read your mind + finish your sentences.
We want fate + fireworks.


But believing in predetermined destiny is limiting.
It leaves little room for adventure + what life may want to give you.
What if The One isn’t who you thought they would be?


Love isn’t always syrupy sweet kisses + walking off into the sunset.
Sometimes the purpose of a soul mate is to tear down your walls, shake you awake, reveal new parts of yourself.


They become a mirror that exposes new dimensions of you,
parts that you may relish in or shrink from.
Soul mates give you the opportunity to notice personal obstacles.
And then actually do something about them.


They can force you to your own leading edge.
To grow.
Expand.
Develop.


But all that emotional fever does not guarantee that they are your life partner.
Often riveting romances grip us in their clutch just to introduce the prospect of ruthless awareness.
Introspection.
They make us so loony + out of control that we have to evolve + transform.


Sometimes it’s their job to break your heart open.
And then leave.


I’m convinced that our cultural understanding of soul mates and
“The One” are small, limiting + incomplete.
Lacking breath + depth.


We don’t give “soul mates” enough credit for their potential emotional upheaval + transformative waves. Soul mates are not necessarily forever. Sometimes they come into our lives just to introduce us to a demon we need to beat.  And then they leave.


And we must muster up the courage to let them go.
Because they were never supposed to stay.

Realize that they were the messenger + now we are left with the task of growing and evolving.


And “The One?”  Doesn’t that sound a bit fairy tale-ish?
I’m not intimating that you’re not allowed strong ideas around what you want in a relationship but the rigidity of a romance complete with zero confrontation or compromise and a partner who is an ideal height, weight, eye color and  “always” gets you the perfect anniversary present?


Well, it is, perhaps, a bit unrealistic.  And leaves little room for variety.


Maybe your otherwise perfect partner will always leave the wet laundry in the washer until you find it.


Maybe they like Italian food when you want Sushi.


Maybe they’re THE worst gift giver and you always have to return what they buy you.


Maybe they’re not who your mother/father/co-workers/friends think you would have chosen.


Does this make them not The One?


The One is “The One” because you say so.


It’s the partner you declare THE one and only.
The partner who, in your own way, you love like they are “The One.”


So don’t discount that amazing person because of their height.
Or because you can’t complete each other’s sentences.
Or because you occasionally argue.
And don’t cling to a soul mate who’s served their purpose of opening you up and breaking you free.


You get to choose your own One.
Who you love is up to you.


Published in Dating
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