Wednesday, 31 December 2014 17:13

Best of 2014 | Do You Have Daddy Issues?

Best of 2014 // December 31, 2014

Daddy issues. Do we even know what that means? Usually we hear it tossed around to describe a woman who we perceive to be “damaged” in some way. Or we use it to slut-shame her. (You know, where society jumps all over a woman because she is sexually liberated or behaves in a way that one considers to be “too much like a man…” God forbid she doesn’t play by society’s prescribed rules).

The truth is, the term “daddy issues” should not be taken lightly. Rooted in ideas of psychotherapy, the term "daddy issues" implies that a woman’s problems in her romantic relationships are at least in some way connected to a dysfunctional relationship (or lack thereof) with her father. But these relationships do not always have to scream dysfunction. Sometimes the things a woman learns or experiences in the relationship with her father (or other male figure in her life), can subtly affect her romantic relationships. You would be surprised at how even the smallest things about your upbringing can have a huge impact. So, that begs the question: How do I know if I have daddy issues?

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Sorry to break it to you Made Woman, but there is no cut and dry response here. We all have issues, circumstances and events that cause us pain and affect our behavior. Including you guys out there. (Hello!) The key to identifying daddy issues is to make it a goal to achieve some insight about yourself and your patterns in love. Think about the relationship you had with your father or other paternal figure when you were a little girl. What examples did this person set for you? How did he shape your idea of what a man is? How did he contribute to your idea of what a healthy relationship looks like? If you did not have such a person in your life, where did you get your ideas about love and men from?

After you explore the answers to some of these questions, identify maladaptive or non-productive patterns in your relationships: Are you drawn to men who do not value you as much as you would like to be valued? Are you lenient with disrespect and “second chances”? Make some connections and where you see the issues…work on correcting them. Write them down. Think about them. You would be surprised how many women keep dating the same type of man (that is inherently terrible for them) over and over again. And these women don’t know why they are doing it! Be aware of your deficits and weak points.

And what happens if someone snickers at you one day and accuses you of having daddy issues? Laugh it off. At the end of the day, all women are shaped by their father figures and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are figuring it out. And you shouldn’t let anyone make you ashamed of it.
Self-exploration and getting at the root of “daddy issues” will not be fun, but in the end you will be a self–assured woman, and less likely to be taken advantage of in an unhealthy relationship.


Published in Dating

Dating // October 13, 2014


Dear Made Woman,

I've been seeing this great guy that I met on a dating website. He’s a successful lawyer, is intelligent, financially stable and all around a great catch. We hung out a few times and everything was good. I called him one night and he said he was out and would call me the following day. It's been one week and I haven't heard from him. All these other articles say to "give him space and then contact him in a few days to check in” or “just sit back and let things work themselves out.”  They also say that I should let him “chase” me. What gives? What should I do?

Signed,

Confused

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Dear Confused,

What should you do? I'll tell you what you shouldn't do. You don't need to call him and "check on him" or "make sure he's OK" (sweetheart he is grown man and he's fine). Stop reading these articles that insist on you catering to a guy who doesn't even have the man parts to tell you what's really going on with him.  (And please don’t allow the masses to convince you that “busy” is a valid excuse). You also don't need to arrange a girls' happy hour so everyone can sit around and "figure this out" over martinis and snacks. So to answer your question of, "What should I do?" DO NOTHING but LEAVE HIM ALONE. And I don’t mean “give him space” and secretly wait for his call. I mean truly leave him alone...out of sight and out of mind.This whole idea of a man chasing a woman is over-hyped. If you have shown you're interested in him and he hasn't responded, no amount of concerned calls or texts to him and/or nude selfies (you know how who you are…) will change that. Furthermore, do you even want a man around who doesn't think enough of you to call you in seven days? Move on and meet a new man, one that doesn't require an introductory course in common courtesy. When he does decide he's tired of dealing with whoever he is dealing with and gives you a call, you'll be so over him it won't matter to you one way or the other. (Although I’m sure his excuse will be a good one… Now, THAT will be worth sharing over drinks). Don't be weighed down by these games, just laugh and move on.

Stay Made,

Trisha DuVivier

Made Woman Staff Writer

Published in Dating
Monday, 13 October 2014 17:54

Relationships | After He Cheats

Dating // September 15, 2014

Dear Made Woman,

I want to write to you about something that many women have experienced: their man cheating. However you found out -- you caught him red-handed, he confessed to you, the other woman confessed to you….it all is a dagger to your heart. HOW he cheated, be it physical, emotional or both…doesn’t matter. It tears you apart. All of your friends and family throw in their two cents: “Girl, get rid of him! You can do so much better!”  or “Let me tell you, if that was ME, I would have packed his stuff and left it on the curb for the garbage man!”

The reality of the situation is that betrayal cuts so deep emotionally that it makes it extremely difficult to process both mentally and emotionally. You will experience a wide range of emotions from anger, to sadness, to pain, to questioning yourself and what you don’t have that “she” does have. You may even question whether or not the cheating was “bad enough” to actually leave him. You will catch yourself rationalizing by saying things like, “Well, it’s not like he (insert even worse thing that he could have possibly done here). This is especially true if you have been with him for years and truly love him.

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Made Woman, I want to share with you the importance of being patient with yourself after your man cheats. You have to allow the process (as terrible as it is) to take hold. Do not succumb to pressure to “make a decision” about the fate of the relationship or get caught up in what others in your life have to say. You will NOT have all the answers right away because your judgment will be clouded and that is OK. It is also very possible to still love and hate him all at the same time. You don’t need to apologize for that or feel guilty about it. (Now if you’re man is a repeat offender, I have another article for you in a few weeks).  Do not ever cut your process short because you want to “keep him” or “compete” with the other woman. The most important person after your man cheats is…YOU. You have to take care of yourself and protect your sanity. Whether you stay with him or leave him, it is your decision and no one else’s. You make your moves when YOU are ready and truly healed. These are things that a Made Woman remembers as she is going through the storm after he cheats.

In your time of turmoil, shift the focus back to you and your emotions. Take a timeout, unwind and unplug. Reevaluate why you were with this person in the first place. Maybe there is a deeper underlying reason for this behavior. The key to containing a messy situation is to avoid acting out of anger and confusion. I know it’s not easy, but it is true that time heals all things. And while I can’t make the decision to stay or go for you, I can tell you that you deserve the best. The ABSOLUTE best. And that you deserve to be respected. While people do make mistakes, they also should know how to make it right. So if he cheats remember before you take action, take some time and get all the facts. Even if the relationship doesn’t work out you will be able to get out and keep your dignity. And that’s something you can hold onto forever.

Much love, 

Trisha DuVivier

Published in Relationships
Thursday, 31 July 2014 20:46

Dating | Dating Phone Etiquette

Dating // August 4, 2014

Yes, you read that correctly: Dating. Phone. Etiquette. In this day and age, almost everyone is glued to their smartphones. Emailing, social networking, texting, dating apps…the list goes on. The world of digital dating can be perilous and there are so many things to think about that we may have neglected the most obvious: How we use the phone. Arguably, we do not really use our phones all that much to actually TALK with the person that we are dating (I mean think about it, when is the last time your phone actually RANG). So maybe we all need a little refresher course. Here are some tips for using the phone while dating:

Rule #1: Use the phone -- Like, use the actual send button and make a phone call. Unfortunately, the majority of people are so used to text messaging all day, that using the phone to talk has become awkward. You definitely want to take into consideration the time of day that you call, but it’s nice to hear someone’s voice and have a conversation. It also helps you connect and get to know a person better.

Rule #2: Avoid Side Conversations -- No one wants to get on the phone with anyone and be interrupted with you talking to your friends, your mom, or your co-workers. It’s such a turn off to be mid-sentence and the person on the other end is laughing and joking with someone else. If you care at all about the person, give them all your attention.

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Rule #3: Avoid text threads that look like a screenplay -- Seriously, texting was not invented for you and your new boo to have entire conversations in which you “lol”, exchange emojis and have extensive talks about your passions in life. I cannot tell you how many couples I come across who do not know how to hang out with each other because they spend too much time texting only to discover that they really do not know each other at all. For help with this please see rule #1.

Rule #4: Spell Check -- Yes, autocorrect can mess up a good sentiment, but it’s there for a reason. Too many “Ur sexy,” “I’m on da way, bae,” and “wyd” text will have your potential mate questioning your IQ. Proof your text because the person on the other end is judging you. Believe me.

Rule #5: Sexting -- Don’t do it. That is all.

Rule #6: When you’re together, put the phone away -- I get it. Your phone is a part of you. It’s like a new age appendage that God has bestowed on us. (Personally, I feel like my day cannot continue without my phone if I leave it at home, so I understand). But, while you’re on dates or spending time together, put your phone away. Of course it’s okay to occasionally check it, but please don’t set it on the table. Or on your lap. It also gets the other person’s mind moving in a direction you may not intend, i.e. “Who are they talking to?” and “It’s obviously more important than this date I made time for.”

Dating can be a challenge. Trying to conduct a relationship via smartphone may mean things get lost in translation. Remember your phone etiquette and perhaps it will become easier. If all else fails remember it’s better to exchange real emotion than emojis.

Published in Dating
Thursday, 09 January 2014 19:22

Dating | Do You Have Daddy Issues?

Dating // January 9, 2014

Daddy issues. Do we even know what that means? Usually we hear it tossed around to describe a woman who we perceive to be “damaged” in some way. Or we use it to slut-shame her. (You know, where society jumps all over a woman because she is sexually liberated or behaves in a way that one considers to be “too much like a man…” God forbid she doesn’t play by society’s prescribed rules).

The truth is, the term “daddy issues” should not be taken lightly. Rooted in ideas of psychotherapy, the term "daddy issues" implies that a woman’s problems in her romantic relationships are at least in some way connected to a dysfunctional relationship (or lack thereof) with her father. But these relationships do not always have to scream dysfunction. Sometimes the things a woman learns or experiences in the relationship with her father (or other male figure in her life), can subtly affect her romantic relationships. You would be surprised at how even the smallest things about your upbringing can have a huge impact. So, that begs the question: How do I know if I have daddy issues?

Like what you’re reading? Join Made Woman Mag’s mailing list for updates, special promotions and more. Click here!

Sorry to break it to you Made Woman, but there is no cut and dry response here. We all have issues, circumstances and events that cause us pain and affect our behavior. Including you guys out there. (Hello!) The key to identifying daddy issues is to make it a goal to achieve some insight about yourself and your patterns in love. Think about the relationship you had with your father or other paternal figure when you were a little girl. What examples did this person set for you? How did he shape your idea of what a man is? How did he contribute to your idea of what a healthy relationship looks like? If you did not have such a person in your life, where did you get your ideas about love and men from?

After you explore the answers to some of these questions, identify maladaptive or non-productive patterns in your relationships: Are you drawn to men who do not value you as much as you would like to be valued? Are you lenient with disrespect and “second chances”? Make some connections and where you see the issues…work on correcting them. Write them down. Think about them. You would be surprised how many women keep dating the same type of man (that is inherently terrible for them) over and over again. And these women don’t know why they are doing it! Be aware of your deficits and weak points.

And what happens if someone snickers at you one day and accuses you of having daddy issues? Laugh it off. At the end of the day, all women are shaped by their father figures and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are figuring it out. And you shouldn’t let anyone make you ashamed of it.
Self-exploration and getting at the root of “daddy issues” will not be fun, but in the end you will be a self–assured woman, and less likely to be taken advantage of in an unhealthy relationship.


Published in Dating
Monday, 16 December 2013 04:12

Relationships | How to Break Up

Relationships // December 16, 2013

When it comes to romantic relationships, almost nothing is more anxiety provoking than these two words: break up. It just sounds traumatic, doesn’t it? I guess that’s why we do crazy passive-aggressive things to end relationships instead of just confronting it head-on. Things like: 1. Not answer the phone as much (great idea: make him call you more) 2. Take hours to reply to text messages and hope he gets the hint (because text messages can transmit your internal motivations) 3. Be super busy at work (because it’s super realistic to be working 24/7/365 and never have time to eat or sleep, let alone reply to a text message). Stop the madness! I know this isn’t easy, but hopefully these tips can help you in this process.

  • It may sound trite, but think about how you would want to be treated if you were the one being broken up with. Seriously, though. Would you want someone screaming and yelling at you telling you all the reasons you are a terrible match for them? Or being mean and telling you why the way you chew food is annoying? I would imagine that you would want someone to talk to you and not play the blame game with you. If you feel that the person is not a good match for you, or the relationship is not working out, it is okay to say that. But, it is a good rule of thumb to be mindful of your delivery and tone. (Unless the guy was a raging jerk to you, then, I will gladly write another article on this topic from a different vantage point).
  • Think about what you are going to say. It seems counterintuitive, but you would be surprised how many people initiate a break-up while sputtering out sentence fragments and things that don’t make sense. If you have made the decision to break up with the person, you don’t want to leave room for them to say things like, “What? Can you explain yourself better?” This can open the door to an unintended argument or a conversation that will feel like it is never-ending.

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  • A break-up is not the appropriate time to initiate sex. No, it’s not “Goodbye sex.” It’s not “Well, this is the last time I will have sex with him!” Sex during a break up is confusing for both parties, and it makes things messy. It also makes you look very unsure of yourself and hard to take seriously. If you are so overwhelmed by his sexual prowess, call him rather than ending things face to face.
  • If you care at all about the person, allow them time to share their feelings on the matter. I am not saying let him talk you into anything, but provide some space for him to talk if he chooses to do so. Try not to make the break up a forum for all your reasons why “this isn’t working for me.” All break up’s don’t have to lead into oblivion and be contentious. I am not saying that either one of you will feel fantastic, but feeling not so great is a heck of a lot better than feeling awful and unresolved.

Yes, ending a relationship can be a difficult and delicate situation. But, it doesn’t have to result in you or your significant other throwing things. Good communication can help smooth over the conversation. Do this the right way and you may end up with a friend rather than just an ex.

Published in Relationships
Thursday, 12 December 2013 23:10

Lifestyle | Should You See A Therapist?

Lifestyle // December 15, 2013

Mental health, therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor … the choices seem endless. While there are plenty for you to “choose” from, many people do not know WHEN to start considering professional help. Maintaining your mental health by seeing a licensed professional has taken on such a negative social stigma. Even admitting to yourself that you may need more help with a particular issue than solely the venting session at happy hour with your girlfriends may be embarrassing. Girl, shake off the embarrassment, shame or pride. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. Investing in her mental health is one of the best things a Made Woman can do for herself. Here are some general guidelines on when you should see a therapist:

  1. You do not feel like yourself lately and it is taking you longer than you anticipated to “snap out of it.” Many people overlook this red flag and are unaware of the symptoms of depression. In addition, did you know that you can be depressed and not even be aware of it? Here are some of the symptoms for depression: excess or lack of sleep, excess eating or lack thereof, irritability, weight loss or weight gains. (Please be aware, that a licensed clinician needs to make a diagnosis.)
  2. You’re acting out … I mean really acting out. Now, I know we all get in moods. But when we start to go overboard at happy hour Monday through Thursday, start behaving sexually in ways that are out of character or just make bad choices with no real thought behind it. Simply put, we take YOLO to the extreme with no justification. Extreme changes in behavior can be a sign that something is going on with you either consciously or unconsciously that needs to be addressed.
  3. All of the things you normally do to “cope” with day to day life are failing you. We all have different ways of coping with life’s stressors. Some people do yoga (not me), some people pour themselves into their work (definitely me), and others may shut down emotionally and withdraw from family and friends until the negative feelings “pass” or just ignore it. (Lots of people!) Unfortunately, sometimes what we do to “cope” does not work either because we have outgrown the coping mechanism or the problem seems to be too large for us to handle how we normally would. This is a great time to see a therapist. You can learn new coping skills while working through whatever is causing you trouble
  4. You really want to talk to your friends or family about what’s bothering you, but you are embarrassed. There are some things that are simply too difficult or embarrassing to discuss with friends or family. Either because we feel that we may be judged or we just do not want to share. Don’t walk around with your feelings bottled up inside of you like a ticking time bomb.
  5. Your problems feel so insurmountable that you have seriously thought about how you would end your life or what it would be like if you were dead. This is the biggest indicator that you need to seek professional help. Do not downplay how you feel by saying things like, “I’m just being dramatic.” According to SAVE, suicide takes the lives of nearly 30,000 Americans every year, and many who attempt suicide never seek professional care.

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Life is hard sometimes. And there is no shame in raising your hand and asking for help when things get too tough. For more information on where to find a licensed mental health practitioner visit the website for the National Institute of Mental Health. Get the help you need and make things easier on yourself.

Published in Lifestyle
Tuesday, 26 November 2013 18:56

MW Behind the Scenes | Trisha Duvivier


Name: Trisha DuVivier
Occupation: MW Mag Writer & Marriage and Family Therapist
Location: Los Angeles, CA
What is your favorite breakfast food? My favorite breakfast food is definitely Eggs Benedict and an iced coffee. When I go to new restaurants, I won’t even try anything new. Great Eggs Benedict lets me know everything I need to know about that restaurant!

I graduated from USC in 2007 with a B.A. in Psychology and a minor in criminality and forensics. After going to law school for one year and deciding that I had no idea why I was there, I took a year off to figure things out. I worked all sorts of jobs from accounting, to babysitting, to private tutoring. I decided that I wanted to go back to school, but under one condition: I pursue something I genuinely wanted to pursue. So, I ended up at Pepperdine’s Graduate School of Education and Psychology.

I chose to pursue psychology because I’ve always been interested in the minds of each individual person. I am so detail oriented, and I really enjoy observing people and listening to the things that they say, and more importantly what they do not say. I respect psychology as a science, and it is truly a field in which you learn something new everyday. While enrolled in the program, I did clinical rotations at non-profit organizations in Los Angeles. I saw a great deal of pain and sadness in populations that are plagued by drugs, crime and domestic violence. With each client, however, I also saw a remarkable amount of resiliency, and I found that to be inspiring. Before I completed my masters program, I was able to create a position as a homicide analyst with a local police department. In 2013, I graduated with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology and an Emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy. I currently am building my private practice in Pacific Palisades and still working with the police department. It’s been a wild ride, and I have definitely picked up a few tips on this journey:

Made Women get out there and create opportunities where they do not otherwise exist.

I am interested in pursuing a career with the FBI as an analyst, and after some intense networking, I was fortunate enough to get connected with people who were in a position to help me. They kept telling me: “Get experience.” I had no clue how to do that, so I started banging on the door of every law enforcement agency that I could think of. Everyone told me that a position as an entry level analyst “did not exist” and I “could not do things this way.” Well, I found my current supervisor, chatted her up over coffee and walked right in the door I created. Now, I am getting the experience in the context I wanted , and I am enjoying it.

People who tell you that the way to success you’ve chosen and how you want to use your skills is “unrealistic” need to be realistic.

In this day and age, the sky is the limit. Everyone kept telling me that I “HAD” to get a job in a non-profit organization or in a community based mental health program and it was “impossible” to make money in private practice right out of the graduation gate. Well, has it been difficult? Yes. Do I wonder sometimes what I am doing? Yes. But then I realize the people who say I am crazy, may just lack hustle and guts. I truly believe being fearless is a requirement for success, and you simply can not work from a place of fear.

Be your own brand.

I never understood this until now. When I tell you that I always have business cards on me, and I am making connections everywhere, from restaurants I eat at to the grocery store, I mean it. How are people going to get to know you if you don’t let them? Let your resume and poise speak for itself. I draw them into the business that is Trisha DuVivier and once they are in my office: I show them that they made a great decision in choosing me as a therapist.


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Published in Current
Saturday, 25 August 2012 03:18

Business | Avoiding Office Blunders

August 27, 2012

There are certain protocols all employees must follow while working in the office. The basics, such as, “business attire at all times, with the exception of casual Fridays,” are burned into the memory of all cubical dwellers. But what about those “unspoken rules”? You know, those rules that some co-workers never seem to grasp? In efforts to save us all from a major fall-out, we here at Made Woman would like to take this opportunity to enumerate some of the biggest office blunders:

1) Talking too much, too early in the morning. Excessive talking and office gossip is never desirable, as it prevents people from getting their work done and does wonders at pissing off your boss. And it is particularly annoying early in the morning. Most of us have probably experienced the one co-worker who doesn’t even allow you to pour yourself a cup of community coffee before they are bombarding you with information and stories that you are too groggy to even listen to. In short, A.M. silence is golden.

2) Never contributing to the office kitchen. You know all those miniature coffee creamers, Equal, and utensils? Someone bought them and brought them to the office. Or that box of donuts you discovered the same morning you woke up late with no time to eat breakfast? Someone bought those too. Try not to be the co-worker who never brings anything to the office kitchen, especially if you are using the supplies. Bake a batch of muffins, or pick up some bagels on your way in. Sharing is caring. 

3) Playing your music too loud. If you are lucky enough to have a boss who does not mind you grooving to Pandora during the work day, don’t overdo it. You don’t want to be the co-worker who assumes that everyone loves Norah Jones as much as you do. If you have to bump your Mary J. Blige CD from 1992 on repeat all day, please purchase some headphones first.  

4) Spilling your personal business. We get it, you had a great weekend that culminated in the greatest sex you have had in months. But is this really something you should loudly share with your co-worker as you exchange file folders with pertinent company information? Save the girl talk for lunchtime or happy hour.

5) Making long (detailed) personal phone calls. Sometimes, things happen during the day and you get the burning desire to call and tell someone about it. Or perhaps your latest boo is giving you a midday call and you can’t resist answering. Don’t be the person in the office who allows everyone to overhear a conversation they should not having during the workday anyway. Utilize that email or text messaging, girl! (You’re probably paying a boatload for it).

We know office blunders happen, but let’s all try to not make them bad habits. Have a great workday, Made Women!




Published in Career
Saturday, 02 June 2012 16:53

Lifestyle | Best Summer Travel Locations

June 4, 2012

Ahhh yes…summertime. It is the time of year when pool parties, beach weather, and bikinis are all that’s on your mind. But your busy day job and list of priorities mean you don’t have the luxury of soaking up the sun every single day this summer while enjoying a cold brew. Instead of wasting your time on another quick trip to Vegas, why not try a new getaway location this summer and see what else is out there? Whether you are leaving town for a weekend or a week, these summer travel locations are fun, relaxing, AND won’t break the bank.

  • If you are already on the West Coast, don’t rule out Palm Springs, California. Besides the endless resorts, restaurants, malls, bars, and sun, Palm Springs is affordable and can be turned into a quick trip. Even if you are just looking for a weekend getaway, it’s only an hour and a half drive from Los Angeles whether you start there or rent a car from LAX – so you don’t have to miss any work.

  • If you are itching to escape from the West Coast and have a little bit more time to spare, consider Dallas, Texas. Sounds random? Hear me out. Dallas is experiencing that good ol’ southern summer without making you feel like you are going to melt as soon as you step outside. Dallas nightlife is diverse and exciting, but manages to remain laid back. They take “Sunday Funday” more seriously than any other state I’ve seen. So, go enjoy some Southern food, sun, and Southern hospitality. Their relaxed energy is infectious!

  • If you enjoy sightseeing and really have more time (and money) to spare, definitely visit Chicago, Illinois. Chicago is beautiful in the summer. You can sightsee until your heart is content, enjoy the city’s famous deep dish pizza, and party at the same time…virtually in the same location: downtown Chicago. Chicago culture is palatable from the minute you get off the airplane. The people are not only friendly, but they know how to have a good time!


  • Now, if you really racked up the PTO or OT, remember that South and Central America await you. Countries like Panama and Belize will give you the best bang for your buck. The luxury resorts that would cost you two whole paychecks here in the states will cost you under one paycheck in Costa Rica. You get to enjoy the beautiful weather and experience a different culture.


Don’t wait for fun to come to you this summer. Be adventurous and try a city you have never seen before. Who knows: You just might like it! Happy Travels!

Published in Travel