Scrap your Mr. Perfect list.
What if I told you that when you annihilate the borders of restriction you allow in a tide of eligible men?
Would you be willing to release and let go of what you think will make you happy in a man?
Yes? Cool. Stay with me a minute.
Courage is key here.
Up until now, your checklist has been a self-erected barricade to love and probably held you back from getting precisely what you want – and more. Is it possible that your list has become a convenient excuse allowing you to dodge the challenge and closeness of a real relationship?
Often it can seem easier to remain single and independent, than to expose ourselves to the vulnerability and intimacy that is inherent in love’s blind faith.
So with fear at our backs – what do we do? Seconds after meeting someone, we compare him to our Mr. Perfect list and judge him as not “the one.” Sound familiar?
(I’ve been guilty of it too, ladies.)
Who is Mr. Perfect anyway?
He is an idealized vision you have of the man you should be with for the rest of your life. He’s an illusion – a fictional character you’ve created based on limited, crumbling, and faded information from your past. It will be impossible to find the right man for you now – in the present – while your check list is based on an old, less brilliant version of you.
Take notice of where you are anchored.
Is it in the past, in fiction, or in reality?
Get to the pulse of your consciousness.
Let’s use me as an example. I am 35 this October, and about 7 years ago, I sat down and wrote out my perfect man checklist. I sealed it in an envelope and put it in a wish box under my bed.
My Mr. Perfect looked like this: 6'2", sandy blonde/brown hair, and boyish, all-American good looks. Think Matt Damon, but taller. He would be a power executive at a major firm who had VIP meetings on his cell phone, while drinking a wheatgrass juice on the way to the gym. He had to live in the city, and have an impeccable sense of style.
Four years later, I still hadn’t found him. Why? Because I constructed this list based on old thought patterns, reactions, and judgements. I was unable to see that anyone else existed.
And I was lonely.
I needed to create a new normal for myself – pronto.
I set out on a mission to penetrate the present. I ripped up my perfect man checklist, and immersed myself in discovering what was true for me now. I began investigating the way I dated. I let go of the stale ideas of what I thought would make me happy in a man. I was petitioning the universe to bring me something completely new and fresh.
Today, I’m in love with an amazing man who brings me complete elation. He is 5'11", with dark and thick black hair, sexy ethnic eyes, hates wheatgrass, and has an obsession with coffee. He is passionate about his career, which is prosperous, but he’s certainly not wheeling and dealing major real-estate ventures. He owns his home out toward the desert, and to my lovely surprise, I enjoy listening to the rustle of the trees at night rather than honking horns.
See the contrast?
My ideas of the ideal man were so pale and so restricted compared to his shine.
Are you short-changing yourself?
Is it possible that your vision of the perfect man is way too narrow?
Why confine yourself to some fantasy idea of who you think you should be with?
Love is art, and art is risky.
Take a risk.
Torch self-limiting dating concepts.
Love is waiting for you on the other side.
And she is pure and she is encouraging.
Thirty. The big 3-0. Dirty 30. What exactly is it about this number that makes it synonymous the word “married” when mentioned in relation to a woman’s age? Who decided that the minute a girl is no longer a twenty-something, she must be, better be, should be married? It’s as if a secret memo was sent out to everyone in America stating:
Dear Americans,
Since most women are no longer getting married in their early 20’s, we’ve decided to increase the female marriage ceiling to age 30. Please make this information known throughout the land—from advertisements and word-of-mouth marketing to incessant Facebook posts from happy newlyweds—we need all ladies under 30 to be aware of this expectation so they can find Mr. Right prior to leaving their 20’s. So, if you happen to know a girl who is 27-29 years old, do pressure them to think about getting hitched for life ASAP.
Many thanks,
The Powers that Be (Creators of social norms and customs that are rarely updated to reflect changes and growth within society. While some of these “rules” might not feel right or make sense, just go with the flow until otherwise notified.)
I live in LA, a city where both men and woman tend to marry a bit later in life, and yet I still spent the last years of my 20‘s feeling that somehow, I’d messed up. I had followed the wrong trail and thus, my “important-life-moments” timeline was off. It began slowly at first, when I was 27 ... an engagement post on Facebook, an invite to a wedding—it was happening. People I knew were beginning the next stage of life and saying “I do.”
For a minute, I too was part of the engaged-before-30-crowd. Nearing 28, I pushed the issue of marriage with my then-boyfriend of two years and he gave in, asked my parents for my hand and ... we waited. A year later when no date had been set and more importantly, I’d realized he was not my Mr. Forever, we broke up. Now, at 31, I look back and realize that while I was heartbroken, I was equally distraught thinking that I had just lost my chance to get married before I was 30.
But my 31-year-old self, still unmarried, knows something that my 27-year-old self did not. I am worth waiting for. My genuine happiness is worth waiting for. As fabulous MADE women, we deserve to get married when, and only when, we find the man who makes us glow from the inside and fits the detailed description of what we want in a life partner ... and then some. I’ve seen too many friends settle for Mr. Right-Before-30 and frankly, they are either not that happy, or worse—divorced.
Today, I believe I have found my Mr. Forever. We’ve been together for three years and because I am over 30 the pressure to get married is SUPER intense—my parents, my friends, my Facebook page now booming with babies and the little voice in my head asking, “When will it be my turn?” And let’s face it ladies—if we want to have babies, there is a real timeline—but, that should not change the fact that your dream life will never become your real life if you settle. So to the twenty-somethings who are panicking because there is no ring on the horizon and to the thirty-somethings who have yet to walk down the aisle, remember this:
1. MARRY BECAUSE YOU BOTH WANT TO - not because you’re about to be 30 and you force an ultimatum. Come on. We’ve all been there, girls! A nudge is fine, a subtle hint, sure. BUT DON’T BE THAT GIRL. If he doesn’t want to marry you, you DESERVE TO FIND A MAN WHO DOES.
2. MARRY WHEN YOU FIND MR. FOREVER - not because you’re turning 30 next year.
3. NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU WANT - in love, in work, in health, in life.
When you finally say “I do,” if you ever do, there is a good chance that you’ll only say it once. And you’ll be saying it to the right person, not just the person you found right before you turned 30.
What is it about Valentine’s day that brings out the haters in full force? I mean for real, it’s like as soon as the red boxes of candy and heart-shaped Hallmark cards hit the shelves everybody and their stank-faced aunty suddenly has a problem with the “forced commercialism” of the holiday. These people have never even said the word “commercialism” before in their lives and buy every new Chanel bag that comes out -- and suddenly they have a problem with it. Then there is the “I show love everyday so I don’t need to do anything special on Valentine’s Day” crew. I mean, I feel this. If you really are sending your sweetheart flowers just to say “I love you” every other week, OK, cupid gives you a pass. But I think this is highly unlikely. What’s more likely is you count the effort you put in for your significant other’s bday and your anniversary as enough work and then proceed to hate on V-day. My question is why? Why all the love-hate?
Cue the 5th grade book report intro: Valentine’s day began as a celebration for Saint Valentine who was supposedly imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers and ministering to Christians. Today, Valentine’s day is the most celebrated holiday in the world after New Year’s Day. And yes, for many it’s lost its meaning. February 14th causes more heads to ache than it does hearts to beat faster. There are dinner reservations to make, outfits to buy, gifts to give… But this holiday, like all the others, is only as meaningful as you make it. If all it means to you is “Damn, I better hit up See’s Candy on my way home from work” or “hmm… maybe I’ll get some nookie tonight,” then just go ahead and give up on V-Day. Because just like the original St. Valentine, the day should be about expressions of love for love’s sake. They say “keep hope alive” for a reason: values take work. It doesn’t even have to be about you, boo boo. Send your best friend and her new fiancé some expensive champagne. Hug your roommate and bake him/her some cookies. Bring candy hearts or chocolate to work and attach a note of appreciation for your co-workers. Basically for one day show the world you have a beating, bleeding heart in your chest and that you are capable of expressing love.
If you do want to keep the day romantic, maybe instead of going out to eat it would be better to, I don’t know, talk to your significant other about their hopes, dreams, and (dare I say it) future. If you V-Day haters out there are so against the superficial, then let’s get real! Light some candles, turn on some Sade and talk about feelings, damn it. Who is this person you are dating anyway? If it’s real, if you are going to go the distance, you should know each other and know how to communicate. Better to work out issues with V-Day dinner in your belly and a smile on your face than to wait until there are real problems.
Still not convinced? Consider the alternative. The other 364 days of the year when the main topic of conversation isn’t “love” but war/famine/Chris Brown /Real Housewives of [insert city]/discrimination/injustice. As anyone who watches the local news can attest, sh*t is real out there. Maybe if we loved ourselves up a bit more some of these problems (hopefully CBreezy) would go away. Maybe expressing love and light for a day instead of hate and shade might make you and those around you feel better. Maybe if we treasure this one day of love, the other days on the calendar will get a bit brighter. Love works. Love lasts. But I’m starting to sound like a Hallmark card. I’ll just let Stevie tell you…
“Love’s in need of Love today…” Stevie Wonder
No one really likes doing it (at least, I hope not), but the truth is that fighting is inevitable in any relationship. It just comes with the territory. If the gloves are going to come off, it is best to fight clean. Yes, there is a right way to fight in a relationship, and here’s how to do so without hitting below the belt:
1. Know what you’re fighting for.
Even if it starts out about something silly, like not putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, you need to know what is at the root of the conflict. Maybe the real issue is you feel that your man doesn’t help out enough around the house; maybe you’ve asked him to clean up time after time and you are feeling that he is just not listening to you. The key is communication. Make sure you understand what the deeper issues are and whether or not it is worth blowing up over. Once you have identified that, communicate it to your significant other. Give him a chance to see the big picture so that he knows you are not blowing your fuse over something small, even though that may have been the catalyst.
2. Know the rules.
I would hope that the days of punching each other and name calling were left on the playground, but unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Being physical is never the answer. And sometimes words can hurt even more than any slap in the face, so choose them wisely. Odds are, you know which buttons to push that are sensitive for your partner. Don’t push them just to see what happens. We all have our baggage and issues that are off limits. Stick to what is relevant and don’t ever say something just to be hurtful, no matter how hurt you are. Be the bigger person and turn the other cheek. If your partner is constantly pushing those hot-button issues and going where you told him not to, it might be time to walk away and not become a fellow mudslinger.
3. Know who to involve.
Being in the middle of a lover’s quarrel is never fun. It is a fast way to lose friends, so never involve them. Of course, we all confide in our besties to hear us out and blow off some steam, but they should never be called upon to do your fighting for you. Don’t force them to choose sides. And for the love of all things holy, don’t post/tweet/Instagram about these disagreements. That is TMI for everyone else and just plain inconsiderate of your partner’s privacy.
4. Know how to walk away.
A dramatic exit is great for a wedding or a theatrical performance, but when in the middle of fighting, it is never wise to leave kicking and screaming. Don’t slam doors or kick someone out of a car. If you truly need to leave the situation to deal, then explain calmly that you are angry and need to take a walk. And don’t leave in the middle of your partner saying their piece – as ridiculous as it may be. If you want to be heard out, you have to hear them out. Even if things end in a break up, try to walk away with grace so that you will always be remembered as the one who got away – not the drama queen who slammed doors, screamed, cried and ended up single.
5. Know how to deal.
Fighting never feels good, but you need to handle this dispute like an adult. If you are feeling really angry, I recommend a hardcore workout to get that aggression out of your system. Any sort of meditation or maybe a spa treatment or massage are a good idea. Maintain your calm and focus on you, and your health. Take the time to hang out with friends and family and cherish the other relationships in your life that are important to you.
6. Know how to change.
They say you can’t change people, and maybe sometimes you can’t. But if you really love someone and are getting to a point where you are fighting over the same issues again and again, think about what you can do differently. Change doesn’t have to mean reinventing yourself or being brainwashed. Sometimes it just means bending a little. Try offering up healthy compromises when you and your honey are fighting. Sometimes it’s about what you can do to help rather than just pointing out how the other person is not helping.
Remember, you are ultimately fighting for your relationship. Everyone has the right to be heard. Don’t worry about “winning” or “losing” your arguments, just be willing to work towards a solution together. If your partner is not interested in solving things, then question what you are doing together in the first place. And above all else, don’t ever be afraid to say “I’m sorry.” It doesn’t negate everything you said or make the fight null and void, but it does show that you are mature enough to admit that you care about your significant other and their feelings. Some things are worth fighting for, and some are not. Regardless, finding common ground is the best way to win someone over or maybe even win someone back. And that’s how everyone wins.
We women can be a host of emotions, instincts and insecurities, which influence our behavior on a daily basis. Think about image alone: We sacrifice comfort to wear sky-high heels because we like how they look. We spend crazy amounts of money on products that add colors and contours to our face that nature never intended to be there. When it comes to dating and relationships, things can get even more absurd. When I consider my own history -- along with things my friends have done -- there’s no lack of evidence that even the most level-headed woman can lose her cool when tangoing with the opposite sex. The following is a list of things that I’ve either experienced or witnessed that aren’t just “dating don’ts"; they’re straight up crossing the line.
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr... As strange as it is to say, a certain level of stalking has become commonplace with the insane variety of social media outlets available. In fact, it's damn near impossible not to stalk people (Facebook feeds, anyone?). Of course you’re going to check out pictures when your man posts them to Instagram, and notice statuses he puts up…and maybe who commented on them. But don’t become the internet police. Unless you’re ready to shirk all of your social networking accounts, you’re going to have to learn to exercise a certain level of restraint. You know what I’m talking about: don’t go rifling through every virtual detail about the life of the chick who wrote “LOL so cute!” on a picture of your guy’s puppy. I know firsthand how easy it is to stalk someone on the internet *cough*, but I also know that if you go poking for trouble, you’re probably going to find it. The truth is, if you’re that tempted to investigate every detail of your man’s accounts and everyone interacting with them, there’s probably a bigger issue in the relationship…or you seriously need to work on your trust issues before it ruins the relationship altogether.
OK seriously, don’t go through his dresser drawers. Don’t do a drive-by at his house in the middle of the night because he didn’t respond to your goodnight text at 11:30. Don’t go through his phone when he leaves it unattended next to you while he takes a shower. For all the same reasons as #1, you should not be disrespecting his privacy by going through his things. Again, if you don’t trust him, why are you with him to begin with?
Maybe you hate his one friend who’s always playing girls and talking about it in detail in front of you. Maybe you don’t appreciate that pretty girl from high school that he still goes out to lunch with occasionally. These feelings might be warranted, but if you attempt to dictate who he’s friends with, you’re setting yourself up for disaster. Unless this friend is causing SERIOUS issues in your relationship, you need to let it slide. Even if he does cut this person off at your request, he’s likely going to end up resenting you for it.
Things are going great in the relationship. You’re staying over his place a few times a week and rainbows shoot out of your eyes when you see each other. It’s totally fine to leave some of your clothes in his bottom drawer, right? It’s definitely not a big deal to leave a toothbrush in his bathroom, and maybe suggest he take down his favorite (hideous) Han Solo poster…right? Slow down, sister. Men, much like independent women, appreciate their space. Don’t just assume he’s feeling as relaxed about sharing his space as you are. Communication is key here – make sure he’s okay with you leaving your personal touches around his apartment before you do anything.
To a certain level, money issues are hard to avoid in a relationship as a couple becomes closer and their lives become increasingly intertwined, but we’re talking about crossing the line here. You should never, ever, ever spend his money without permission. You shouldn’t even ASK. If he wants to buy you something, great! Go for it. But putting your palms out and asking for a handout isn’t just unattractive, it’s a surefire way to get labeled as a gold digger. Same goes for telling him what to do with his money. Maybe you think he shouldn’t be spending all of his extra cash on take out and building up his movie collection, but unless your finances are linked, it’s not your place to step in. You wouldn’t appreciate him telling you to quit your spa days and online shoe shopping, so let him decide what to do with the money he earned.
You know what kind of physical I’m talking about. No matter how mad he may make you, there’s never any excuse to lay a smackdown on your guy. I’ve heard girls laugh as they admit they raised a hand to their boyfriend’s face before, but whether he shrugs it off like it's a fly buzzing around his head or you legitimately do some damage, it’s not funny and it’s not okay. Never dole out OR accept violence in a relationship. Starting a cycle of violent behavior is to be avoided, period.
There’s obviously no one-size-fits-all guide on how to act at all times in a relationship, but these are things that you should avoid at all costs. Hey, we know no one’s perfect and sometimes we can get tempted to cross the line (I’ve broken a couple of these rules before -- with heinous results, I might add), but just ask yourself if conducting yourself inappropriately is worth the inevitable fallout. Sometimes lines are drawn for a reason.
When we think of honeymoons, we imagine ourselves reclined on a sunny beach and fully submerged in a state of pure bliss. The pictures we paint for ourselves are so naturally calming that we easily forget the effort that goes into creating such an unforgettable experience. Yes, it would be lovely if the perfect honeymoon came gift wrapped with a pretty bow and a bottle of champagne. But unless you have a personal assistant and thousands to spare, you should prepare for your upcoming honeymoon with certain practicalities in mind so your journey through paradise goes off without a hitch.
1. You might have always dreamed of spending your honeymoon on a yacht in Ibiza, but it is important to be realistic about your budget when choosing a location. Not only is this fiscally responsible, but it will ultimately spare you unnecessary stress. The wedding undoubtedly set you back thousands of dollars and your honeymoon is the time to unwind from the months of planning and spending, not to be guiltily fretting about the ever-mounting expense of the vacation. Ways to save money include choosing a destination that is closer to home or lesser known, or traveling during the “shoulder season”, which is right before or right after peak season. You can still have fun with your new spouse while also saving a penny or two, leaving you more relaxed and able to enjoy your new lives together when you get back home.
2. Understandably, you are going to be very eager about the honeymoon; not only are you having a romantic getaway with the love of your life, but you’re probably going to a locale you’ve never been to before. Go, see, conquer, right? While this excitement and a sense of adventure is a positive thing, it’s crucial that you don’t become overzealous when planning the itinerary. What do I mean by this? The first day of your honeymoon should not start with the two of you waking at the crack of dawn to rush to a tour bus, followed by a rushed breakfast and then racing from one museum to the next. A honeymoon is the ultimate opportunity to live in the moment and truly enjoy your partner, so plan for a leisurely pace. While it’s a good idea to anticipate a few highlights you’ll want to experience during your trip, plan on having plenty of late brunches and relaxed, site-seeing strolls with your new spouse.
3. Make sure that all loose ends are addressed prior to boarding your plane. The last thing you want to do is waste precious vacation time dealing with a forgotten prescription or an unresolved work situation. Try making a checklist of things that need to be taken care of before you leave and knocking them out one at a time. You should also pack responsibly and plan for worse-case scenarios. One good idea is to carry your money and forms of ID in two different bags in case one is lost or stolen. Be prepared for all types of weather, as nothing can quite ruin a romantic evening like violently shivering in the rain.
4. When planning things to do during your honeymoon, take the wants and needs of both people into account. If an afternoon of zip lining might sound fantastic to you but your hubby is afraid of heights, skip the entire affair. While marriage is about compromise, your honeymoon shouldn’t be; he might be willing to begrudgingly concede to your preferences, but this is a potential setup for resentments and bickering. Instead, find activities that interest both of you and, if you have a hard time pinpointing such opportunities, perhaps reconsider your selected location. Activities will be more fun together anyway.
5. Be flexible and have a sense of humor. If your romantic beach side getaway is seemingly “ruined” by unusual amounts of rain, laugh it off and find fun, indoor alternatives. If the two of you get hopelessly lost on the way to a concert and miss the entire event, open your eyes to the beauty in what is immediately around you rather than focusing on what you missed. If you’re spending your time complaining about the concert, you might miss out on the cute boutique on the corner or the fun bar two blocks away. With your new husband by your side, I’m sure there will be a silver lining to every bout of bad luck.
Let’s be real, dating isn’t easy. Even once you get past the initial nerves and awkwardness of the first date, you may learn some things about your potential suitor that you didn’t want to know. Sure, we all have our flaws, but there are some things that can turn a Made Woman off quicker than you can say “bad credit.” We asked a few ladies what their biggest dating deal breakers were… Fellas, listen up!
Bad tippers would never see me for another date. It shows no respect and is very ignorant. 20% just about always! – Lindsey E.
Different religious beliefs. My faith is important to me and I need someone with the same values and outlook on life/afterlife. – Beth
A guy who doesn't share my big picture, core values. It just doesn't make sense to date someone, even if it's just for fun, if he doesn't see the world as I do. – Jessica
A bad sense of humor. I could never, ever date someone who wasn't at least a little funny. Or anyone who can't understand my weird sense of humor. And also excessive body hair. Gross. – Amanda
Some guys really get a kick out of being assholes. I blame Kanye West. But I think if a guy is rude for no reason and thinks it’s funny, he's not for me. – Serena
Talking about his ex on the first date. It's usually a sign that he's not over her and ain't nobody got time for that! – Kiana
Breaking a date at the last moment sends the message that I'm just not a priority nor will I be "one day." Also, asking the woman to pay for a date in the early stages of dating [is a deal breaker]. I'm ok with picking up the tab every so often, but a strong woman should have a strong man. In my experience, the man who must ask a woman to pay for a date because, "I want to go out with you tonight, but I haven't got paid yet," is not thoughtful enough to want to spend time with you without having to pay for something, and will eventually take you for granted...amongst other things. – Christine
Smoking: I won't date a smoker. It says something that they're willing to ignore the health effects and potentially harm people close to them with secondhand smoke. Plus, smokers usually smell like smoke. – Brook
No sense of humor. Sure, there are probably "deeper" deal breakers on my list, but the idea of going through life with someone who takes himself too seriously – not happening! Life is much too short. – Lindsey D.
Long distance relationships are not for the fearful; they’re for the audacious.
The brassy, bold + brave.
You exchange massive time alone for fleeting doses of joy with your beloved.
Critics say the long-distance relationship is doomed.
Heartache inevitable.
Dreams decimated.
“You can’t go on that way forever,” they tout.
But you insist you can.
And as long as you do, you’ll be required to practice the qualities of faith + fortitude
Independence + imagination...
It’s for those who find possibility in the improbable.
It can be a shelter for the non-committers, for, the less-than-motivated.
Yet, to be enamored with someone’s absence is to be a quintessential romantic.
And who can thwart the benefits?
The urgency of every second together. Because they all count.
Elation rushes in as each kiss is savored, every touch cherished.
Reality is divinely air-brushed + memories pristinely sealed—set aside to be deliciously revisited later.
On the phone your makeup is perfect, your legs are always shaved + your sweatpants and decal tee shirt become silk shorts and a lace bra.You never have to pick up his laundry, wash the dinner dishes or ask him to finally for-the-love-of-god-turn the TV off. How many times can you watch Transformers, the movie, anyway?
Yet, love + doubt aren’t mutually exclusive.
And in the case of long distance relationships bliss can certainly require sweat.
Someone is:
:: giving too much + getting too little in return
:: wanting to close the distance gap but repressing the need to express it for fear of “rocking the boat” + risking a breakup.
:: tired of living a double life. one with their partner + generally, a bigger one without their partner
:: being crushed by anxiety + jealousy.
And oh, those phone bills! Distance can work for friends + relatives but when it comes to romantic love, the long distance relationship will always fall short.
Short on satisfaction.
There is a rare population of couples that can pull it off–and the only reason it works is that it genuinely works for them. Both feel they are getting their needs met + do not secretly wish for an alternative situation.
If that’s you, congratulations. Ignore everything I said + keep on keepin’ on.
But the chances are that it’s not you, because the only way to make a long distance relationship work is to close the separation gap—eventually.
Short-term long distance relationships: not usually a problem. Long term, open-ended distances are the stuff hell is made of. With the imperfections + benefits of long distance relationships glaringly clear—-
Do you stay or go?
Roll the dice or walk away now?
The answer begins + ends with the truth.
Always with the truth.
How deep do the roots of this relationship go?
Deep enough to sustain your spirit during the days + weeks of separation?
What do you need from your partner on a daily basis?
Emotionally.
Spiritually.
Physically.
Witness what comes up for you. Write it down. Articulate it.
First to yourself + then to him or her.
Can he or she provide it?
Will your situation allow it?
Choose.
You know the answer.
Even when you deny that you do.
Tune in.
Listen up.
Your heart + gut want to educate you on limitations, expectations + salutations.
When to go harder.
When it’s been enough.
When to very lovingly, calmly say:
I loved you while I could. As best as I could. With all I could.
Thank you for you. When I had you.
Good luck.
Adieu.
And love pulses along in spite of it all.
Seriousness has an important place in love + life.
Deep and meaningful conversations. Life-changing decisions.
Support at times when emotions are running high.
But playfulness is just as – if not more – important.
Laughter is a language that people use to bond. To mend. To escape.
People who take themselves too seriously (and lack any sense of lightheartedness) exude an emotional heaviness that penetrates their inner orbit + everyone in it.
And quite frankly – they’re a drag to be around.
But laughing till your sides ache and you can’t really breathe?
Or you can’t quite swallow your coffee because you’re chortling so hard?
It’s an instant breather from the stress of your day.
Humor can recharge you + your relationship’s emotional battery.
It soothes awkwardness + tension.
It reduces stress hormones while an influx of warm + fuzzy endorphins are released in your brain.
Laughter is just plain good for you + your relationships.
So why the sour puss? Why must you remain in control? “Right” or unfazed at all times?
Consider the levity laughter + humor brings.
Consider the freedom + perspective it offers.
Consider, for the love of god, having a good laugh at yourself.
Life is short + you have a choice about how to navigate the bumps in the road.
Using your humor will change things.
For the better.
Have you ever said something so ridiculous during an argument that you made yourself + the person with you laugh? And to your delight, the disagreement quickly became moot?
Humor rapidly lifts your mood and gives everyone involved the emotional distance needed to view events with a fresh perspective.
Dropping the serious act (when not necessary) and cultivating your humor
instead will euthanize the stress.
It will shed shiny, shimmery light on an otherwise shadowy landscape.
Humor helps you navigate tumultuous terrain.
Relationship expert John Gottman calls this type of humor a “repair attempt”- a statement or action silly or otherwise that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.
And these repair attempts?
The success or failure of a couple’s repair attempts is one of the primary factors in whether their relationship endures or peters out.
When you and your partner laugh together, you put defenses on hold and open yourself up to a new kind of connection. All that giggling deepens emotional intimacy and allows greater trust to take hold.
So don’t be afraid to cultivate the inside joke.
To have kitchen dance parties and even the occasional food fight.
Life is short. Spend it laughing with the one you love.
It’s bad enough that there are so many people out of work these days. But what happens when your man joins the ranks of the unemployed? Men feel a very big sense of responsibility to be able to take care of their women, and when they don’t have the means it becomes very… stressful. A power shift takes place and a relationship may feel the strain during such a difficult time. This is why it’s important to be supportive of your guy when he is on the hunt for a new job. Here are some things you can do that will make this (hopefully short) time a bit less overwhelming.
Do Some “Wifey” Work
While some Made Women may not love the idea of falling into a traditional “housewife” role, in this case it can be good to provide extra support. There are little housekeeping tasks that can make his everyday life a bit easier and thus give him more time and mental capacity to stay on the hunt.
Lend Your Expertise
As a Made Woman, you know the ropes of the working world. Help your man by revamping his job search with a few tricks you’ve learned along the way.
Be His Cheerleader
No matter who you are, an extensive job search means there may be some rejection headed your way. If your significant other gets turn down a few times it’s going to be up to you to shore up his confidence and be his rock. Here are some ideas for getting his mind off of things and reminding him that you will always be on his side:
Alternatively, he may need space, too, so don’t be offended if he wants to have some alone time. The best things you can do for him though is just be there and not give him a hard time about not getting a job fast enough. Make sure he knows that you think he is amazing no matter what and that a job is sure to come! Who knows, some day you (God forbid) may need the same support!
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