Marriage // December 17, 2012

Fortunately for Made Women, marriage today is a joyful choice we make instead of a societal tradition that is expected of us. With this choice comes the question, “How will I know if I’m ready to get married?” Only you will truly know if you are ready, but here are a few signs that may help you understand whether or not to-have-and-to-hold is the right step for you.

(Much credit to my supportive husband who brainstormed with me about how we knew we were ready to get married!)

1. You know what works for you and what doesn’t. The dating journey is the time to learn what you desire in relationships; what makes you swoon and what makes you crazy. When you realize what your deal breakers are and what you cannot live without, you’ve taken a huge step toward knowing what you want in a lifetime partner.

2. You’re ready to share your experiences.
At this point in life, you’ve likely written a bucket list or two. When you begin to think those experiences would be even more special if you had someone to share them with, you may be ready for that “forever” step. Whether it’s a new puppy, a European adventure or taking on a new hobby, matrimony may be the right choice if you’re longing to share life with someone else.

3. You’ve lived your young, free and single years to their fullest. Have you had enough wild girls’ nights out, dancing till dawn and shamelessly flirting to get you free drinks at the bar? Have you been truly single and satisfied and pursued your greatest ambitions? If so, you can move toward wedded bliss knowing you lived it up during your single life.

4. You stand on your own two feet. You are confident in your own success and you’re comfortable doing things on your own. Maybe you moved cross country or traveled the world or lived by yourself, and you know that you don’t need a man. When you do find someone who complements that strong sense of self and supports your ambition, he’s likely the right type of guy for the long run.

5. You stop expecting perfection. We all need standards, and we should not settle for anything less. But to make it down the aisle successfully, it’s important to understand that everyone has their own history, experiences and flaws. If you are ready to love someone, flaws and all, you may be ready to say “I do.”

6. Doubt doesn’t creep in. Instead of analyzing every conversation, you are completely secure with where your relationship stands. There aren’t any “what are we?” questions. Though the phrase has been said a million times, it’s true: When you’re with the right person, you’ll know.

7. You don’t try to justify your relationship. We’ve all had those relationships that other people just couldn’t understand … or so we thought. The type that usually makes you defensive when those close to you express their concern. When you’re in a healthy relationship, your family and friends will most likely be the first to see that it brings out the best in you, and they will be nothing but happy for you.

There is a lot more to being ready for marriage than these tips, but these are some of the ways I knew that I was ready to marry my husband.


When do you think a Made Woman is ready for wedding bells? Share your signs and tips in the comments section!

Published in Love + Dating

Relationship No-Nos // December 3, 2012

We women can be a host of emotions, instincts and insecurities, which influence our behavior on a daily basis.  Think about image alone: We sacrifice comfort to wear sky-high heels because we like how they look. We spend crazy amounts of money on products that add colors and contours to our face that nature never intended to be there.  When it comes to dating and relationships, things can get even more absurd.  When I consider my own history -- along with things my friends have done -- there’s no lack of evidence that even the most level-headed woman can lose her cool when tangoing with the opposite sex.  The following is a list of things that I’ve either experienced or witnessed that aren’t just “dating don’ts"; they’re straight up crossing the line.

Internet Stalking

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr... As strange as it is to say, a certain level of stalking has become commonplace with the insane variety of social media outlets available. In fact, it's damn near impossible not to stalk people (Facebook feeds, anyone?). Of course you’re going to check out pictures when your man posts them to Instagram, and notice statuses he puts up…and maybe who commented on them.  But don’t become the internet police. Unless you’re ready to shirk all of your social networking accounts, you’re going to have to learn to exercise a certain level of restraint.  You know what I’m talking about: don’t go rifling through every virtual detail about the life of the chick who wrote “LOL so cute!” on a picture of your guy’s puppy.  I know firsthand how easy it is to stalk someone on the internet *cough*, but I also know that if you go poking for trouble, you’re probably going to find it.  The truth is, if you’re that tempted to investigate every detail of your man’s accounts and everyone interacting with them, there’s probably a bigger issue in the relationship…or you seriously need to work on your trust issues before it ruins the relationship altogether.

Any Kind of Offline Stalking

OK seriously, don’t go through his dresser drawers.  Don’t do a drive-by at his house in the middle of the night because he didn’t respond to your goodnight text at 11:30.  Don’t go through his phone when he leaves it unattended next to you while he takes a shower.  For all the same reasons as #1, you should not be disrespecting his privacy by going through his things.  Again, if you don’t trust him, why are you with him to begin with?

Controlling his Friendships

Maybe you hate his one friend who’s always playing girls and talking about it in detail in front of you.  Maybe you don’t appreciate that pretty girl from high school that he still goes out to lunch with occasionally.  These feelings might be warranted, but if you attempt to dictate who he’s friends with, you’re setting yourself up for disaster.  Unless this friend is causing SERIOUS issues in your relationship, you need to let it slide.  Even if he does cut this person off at your request, he’s likely going to end up resenting you for it.

Invading His Space

Things are going great in the relationship.  You’re staying over his place a few times a week and rainbows shoot out of your eyes when you see each other.  It’s totally fine to leave some of your clothes in his bottom drawer, right?  It’s definitely not a big deal to leave a toothbrush in his bathroom, and maybe suggest he take down his favorite (hideous) Han Solo poster…right?  Slow down, sister.  Men, much like independent women, appreciate their space.  Don’t just assume he’s feeling as relaxed about sharing his space as you are.  Communication is key here – make sure he’s okay with you leaving your personal touches around his apartment before you do anything.

Interfering with his Cash Flow

To a certain level, money issues are hard to avoid in a relationship as a couple becomes closer and their lives become increasingly intertwined, but we’re talking about crossing the line here.  You should never, ever, ever spend his money without permission.  You shouldn’t even ASK.  If he wants to buy you something, great!  Go for it.  But putting your palms out and asking for a handout isn’t just unattractive, it’s a surefire way to get labeled as a gold digger.  Same goes for telling him what to do with his money.  Maybe you think he shouldn’t be spending all of his extra cash on take out and building up his movie collection, but unless your finances are linked, it’s not your place to step in.  You wouldn’t appreciate him telling you to quit your spa days and online shoe shopping, so let him decide what to do with the money he earned.

Getting Physical

You know what kind of physical I’m talking about.  No matter how mad he may make you, there’s never any excuse to lay a smackdown on your guy.  I’ve heard girls laugh as they admit they raised a hand to their boyfriend’s face before, but whether he shrugs it off like it's a fly buzzing around his head or you legitimately do some damage, it’s not funny and it’s not okay.  Never dole out OR accept violence in a relationship. Starting a cycle of violent behavior is to be avoided, period.


There’s obviously no one-size-fits-all guide on how to act at all times in a relationship, but these are things that you should avoid at all costs.  Hey, we know no one’s perfect and sometimes we can get tempted to cross the line (I’ve broken a couple of these rules before -- with heinous results, I might add), but just ask yourself if conducting yourself inappropriately is worth the inevitable fallout. Sometimes lines are drawn for a reason.

Published in Love + Dating

Love + Dating // November 5, 2012

Let’s be real, dating isn’t easy. Even once you get past the initial nerves and awkwardness of the first date, you may learn some things about your potential suitor that you didn’t want to know. Sure, we all have our flaws, but there are some things that can turn a Made Woman off quicker than you can say “bad credit.”  We asked a few ladies what their biggest dating deal breakers were… Fellas, listen up!

Bad tippers would never see me for another date. It shows no respect and is very ignorant. 20% just about always! – Lindsey E.

Different religious beliefs. My faith is important to me and I need someone with the same values and outlook on life/afterlife. – Beth

A guy who doesn't share my big picture, core values. It just doesn't make sense to date someone, even if it's just for fun, if he doesn't see the world as I do. – Jessica

A bad sense of humor. I could never, ever date someone who wasn't at least a little funny. Or anyone who can't understand my weird sense of humor. And also excessive body hair. Gross. – Amanda

Some guys really get a kick out of being assholes. I blame Kanye West. But I think if a guy is rude for no reason and thinks it’s funny, he's not for me. – Serena

Talking about his ex on the first date. It's usually a sign that he's not over her and ain't nobody got time for that! – Kiana

Breaking a date at the last moment sends the message that I'm just not a priority nor will I be "one day."  Also, asking the woman to pay for a date in the early stages of dating [is a deal breaker]. I'm ok with picking up the tab every so often, but a strong woman should have a strong man. In my experience, the man who must ask a woman to pay for a date because, "I want to go out with you tonight, but I haven't got paid yet," is not thoughtful enough to want to spend time with you without having to pay for something, and will eventually take you for granted...amongst other things.  – Christine

Smoking: I won't date a smoker. It says something that they're willing to ignore the health effects and potentially harm people close to them with secondhand smoke. Plus, smokers usually smell like smoke. – Brook

No sense of humor. Sure, there are probably "deeper" deal breakers on my list, but the idea of going through life with someone who takes himself too seriously – not happening! Life is much too short. – Lindsey D.

Published in Love + Dating

Love + Dating // October 22, 2012 

Long distance relationships are not for the fearful; they’re for the audacious.
The brassy, bold + brave.
You exchange massive time alone for fleeting doses of joy with your beloved.

Critics say the long-distance relationship is doomed.
Heartache inevitable.
Dreams decimated.

“You can’t go on that way forever,” they tout.
But you insist you can.
And as long as you do, you’ll be required to practice the qualities of faith + fortitude
Independence + imagination...

It’s for those who find possibility in the improbable.
It can be a shelter for the non-committers, for, the less-than-motivated.

Yet, to be enamored with someone’s absence is to be a quintessential romantic.
And who can thwart the benefits?

The urgency of every second together.  Because they all count.
Elation rushes in as each kiss is savored, every touch cherished.
Reality is divinely air-brushed + memories pristinely sealed—set aside to be deliciously revisited later.

On the phone your makeup is perfect, your legs are always shaved + your sweatpants and decal tee shirt become silk shorts and a lace bra.You never have to pick up his laundry, wash the dinner dishes or ask him to finally for-the-love-of-god-turn the TV off.  How many times can you watch Transformers, the movie, anyway?

Yet, love + doubt aren’t mutually exclusive.
And in the case of long distance relationships bliss can certainly require sweat.

Someone is:
:: giving too much + getting too little in return

:: wanting to close the distance gap but repressing the need to express it for fear of “rocking the boat” +  risking a breakup.

:: tired of living a double life. one with their partner + generally, a bigger one without their partner

:: being crushed by anxiety + jealousy.

And oh, those phone bills! Distance can work for friends + relatives but when it comes to romantic love, the long distance relationship will always fall short.

Short on satisfaction.

There is a rare population of couples that can pull it off–and the only reason it works is that it genuinely works for them. Both feel they are getting their needs met + do not secretly wish for an alternative situation.

If that’s you, congratulations.  Ignore everything I said + keep on keepin’ on.

But the chances are that it’s not you, because the only way to make a long distance relationship work is to close the separation gap—eventually.

Short-term long distance relationships: not usually a problem. Long term, open-ended distances are the stuff hell is made of. With the imperfections + benefits of long distance relationships glaringly clear—-

Do you stay or go?

Roll the dice or walk away now?
The answer begins + ends with the truth.
Always with the truth.

How deep do the roots of this relationship go?
Deep enough to sustain your spirit during the days + weeks of separation?

What do you need from your partner on a daily basis?
Emotionally.
Spiritually.
Physically.

Witness what comes up for you.  Write it down.  Articulate it.

First to yourself + then to him or her.
Can he or she provide it?
Will your situation allow it?

Choose.
You know the answer.
Even when you deny that you do.

Tune in.
Listen up.
Your heart + gut want to educate you on limitations, expectations + salutations.

When to go harder.
When it’s been enough.

When to very lovingly, calmly say:
I loved you while I could. As best as I could. With all I could.
Thank you for you. When I had you.
Good luck.

Adieu.

And love pulses along in spite of it all.

Published in Love + Dating
Sunday, 07 October 2012 23:56

Dating | Casual Sex: The Real Deal

October 8, 2012

You just had a fabulous date. Now you and your sexy new boo are on your couch and things are getting hot and heavy. He’s turned on. You’re turned on. And then he makes his move: “Want to take this to the bedroom?” Pause.  If you are not in a committed relationship with this guy it may be prudent to take a second to turn down the heat and think this through. Here's a few things you may want to contemplate before you do the do, without the commitment:

1) Women release a chemical in the brain during sex that is called oxytocin, which is referred to as "the bonding chemical." Why is this important, you ask? Well, it means that your brain is chemically set up to develop some kind of attachment to any man who sexes you. (In case you're wondering, no there isn't a pill you can take to get rid of it). So ask yourself: Can you handle feeling "attached" even though your guy hasn’t made a commitment to you?

2) There's no such thing as ongoing casual sex with no complications AT ALL. Okay, a, "Wam, bam, thank ya for ending my dry spell," is one thing. But the more and more you casually sex a man, you are creating more opportunity for you to catch feelings for him (or even vice versa!). If this happens to you, would you be able to handle it if he didn't reciprocate? Alternatively, are you ready to deal with your sex toy suddenly pushing for commitment? Just some food for thought.

3) Possibilities of STDs and pregnancy exist--even "casual and fun” sex isn’t free from these risks. The CDC is reporting a new super strain of gonorrhea that is resistant to antibiotics. Yikes. Add that to the already mountainous list of diseases that you could be exposing yourself to via your "casual partner", and ask yourself: Is it worth the risk? Also, ask yourself about what would/could happen if you were to get pregnant? Would you be in a situation alone?

4) Remember that hot pink, polka dot leotard you bought in the heat of the moment last summer? And remember how much buyer’s remorse you had afterwards?  While many times things done in the heat of the moment are fun and make you feel carefree, that feeling doesn’t always last. (Hey, no one wants to wake up and wash off regret in the morning).  Sometimes it’s worth pushing the “pause” button and really thinking about the potential aftermath of your decision. Maybe the guy you are categorizing as your personal sex slave has more to offer you than just sex, but you can’t see past your carnal desires. Conversely, he might not be worth the time and energy at all.

So instead of letting a little heat motivate your decisions, try and think it through.  Sexual buyer’s remorse really sucks! If you can think through some of the answers to these questions, it will at least get your mind in the right place for making a well thought out decision. So don't be afraid, Made Woman. Ask yourself the tough questions and, of course, be safe!  Now or later, amazing sex will be waiting.

Published in Love + Dating
Monday, 10 September 2012 15:39

Dating | The Truth About Approaching Men

September 10, 2012 

As a dating coach, sometimes I get the question from women, “Is it okay for me to approach a man?” And while some people believe that a woman should steer clear from approaching a man simply because it may insult his masculinity, I tell my clients, “It is the year 2012 for God/ Allah/ Buddha’s sake! Of course it is okay for you to go for it!”

Think about it this way: if a hot, confident girl goes up to a guy to introduce herself, do you think he is going to mind? I don’t think so. Sure, some guys enjoy the challenge, but at the same time, many might be quite relieved to skip out on the hard work/potential rejection of going up to a cute girl.

There are exceptions, though, and sometimes you do need to evaluate the situation before you make your move. For example, if you’re eyeing a male supermodel, who looks just like Brad Pitt or David Beckham, you might want to reconsider the go-get-em approach.  Guys who are that pretty are probably a little too used to being hit on, and you might be better off playing hard to get. 

Alas, there is an easier way to gauge mutual interest before going full steam ahead…and women can usually do it quite well. If you’re nervous about walking right up to a guy, one trick that works really well is to make eye contact with the man you are checking out. It’s natural, simple and allows you to avoid the potentially painful rejection face-to-face.

How is it best done? Scan the room for a guy you’re attracted to. Once your ideal target is identified, find a place to settle yourself and confidently do your thing (talking with a girlfriend, ordering a drink at the bar--you know the drill) and then give a few quick, flirty glances at the cutie.

If you are conscientiously making an effort to glance over at him--and can sneak in a smile--99% of guys will get the hint that you are interested. At which point, this gentleman will come over to start a conversation if he is A) straight, B) interested and C) not in a relationship because he will assume that YOU are A) straight, B) interested and C) not in a relationship. Done and done.

If he doesn’t come over, it is best to assume that he is either gay, taken or “just not that into you” as the 2009 star-studded movie has educated us. Or that he has NO game or social skills whatsoever--in which case, you might have just dodged a big bullet!

Ultimately though, it is best to treat each encounter separately and play it by ear. Usually your gut feeling tells you everything you need to know.

Do what feels right to you. If you’re shy, try the eye contact game. If you’re feeling ballsy, go for the direct approach.  All power to you ladies.

Published in Love + Dating
Monday, 13 August 2012 04:55

Dating | New Ways to Meet Guys

August 13, 2012

You’ve dated your way through your friends’ friends.
Your coworkers are off limits.
And after one too many rom-com-worthy bad blind dates, you’re no longer accepting your family’s setups.

Where are you going to meet someone who’s right for you? Someone who will get your quirky jokes and likes rock climbing and extra extra spicy Thai food?

Here are five new ways to meet guys!

1. Host a Party
Everyone you know has a super-nice-I-don’t-know-why-he’s-single friend.  Now imagine putting all those great guys in one room--a room filled with your equally awesome single girl friends.  The likelihood of finding a match just got a lot higher, didn’t it?

2. Visit a sports bar on the night of an important local game

Tons of guys in one place + a very obvious conversation topic.  “Who’s winning?”  “Why would they put him in to pitch?”  “Do you think they’ll go all the way?”  See?  Easy conversation for hours.  Bonus points if you actually know something about the sport in question or if you research the game ahead of time.

3. The gym
You might not feel your cutest when you’re wearing yoga pants and a sheen of sweat, but it’s a look that lots of guys like.  And it’s incredibly easy to strike up a conversation--you can talk about how much you like the spin instructor, how you totally can’t do crow pose or how that one guy should really stop singing along with his iPod... 

4. Online - but not the way you think

You’ve probably already tried online dating (which can be awesome!) but have looked through your Twitter feed?  Or your friend’s Facebook friends?  Or your Linkedin connections?  The internet is filled to overflowing with platforms that connect people and non-dating websites can present a more realistic version of a person.  Even better, chatting with someone on Twitter or Facebook is less likely to be riddled with sexual tension and romantic expectation, so you can get a better read of their real, day-to-day life and personality before you go on a date with them. Don’t think of it as stalking... think of it as research.

5. Anywhere you’re engaging in a hobby that YOU love
Let’s keep it real.  This point?  It’s the most important one.  While taking a proactive approach to your lovelife is vital, it’s really important that you continue to be you and do things that light your fire.  Everyone--male or female--is attracted to enthusiastic, engaged people.  And if you’re doing something you love--sailing, taking cooking classes, going to poetry readings, hiking--you’re more likely to meet people who like similar things and to attract those people because you’re just so damn excited about what you’re doing.

Ultimately, you need to be the type of person you, yourself, would want to date.  If you’re a happy + active + excited person, you’re going to attract lots of the same. 

So get out there, own your awesome, and wait for the dates to roll in!


Published in Love + Dating
Friday, 27 July 2012 22:34

Dating | Guys Get Romantic

July 30, 2012

Is romance dead? Is chivalry a thing of the past? Most women these days seem to agree that these ideas are fading fast! It may be 2012, the age of the modern female, but most of us still appreciate a sweet gesture from time to time. We asked a few members of the opposite sex to reveal the most romantic thing they’d ever done for a woman… and restore our hope in humanity. Here’s what they said:

"It was freezing, so I threw a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt in the dryer and gave her toasty warm clothes when she came over. It’s the small things." - Joe, 29

"My girlfriend at the time (now wife) and I had just moved into our first apartment. It was Christmas Eve and she had to work. We had been so busy that we didn't even have a chance to get decorations for the new place. She was practically in tears on her way out the door. She said she was so stressed and it didn't even feel like Christmas. I felt so bad I decided to go all out. So I called my best friend and we hit every store still open, then hurried home to make the new house the brightest on the block. A new tree, some crazy lawn ornaments and a few thousand Christmas lights later, the stage was set. We finished just before she pulled up to the house. The look on her face was priceless. I guess you could say I saved Christmas." - Nate, 28

"Might not be the most romantic, but one time I asked to borrow a girl's car (a co-worker I had a great crush on) so I could put a giant teddy bear and roses in it. This way, when she punched out of work and got in her car, she knew someone (ME!!) really cared about her." - Chris, 29

“Scheduled a trip, picked her up from her work, and whisked her away for the weekend.” - Damon, 31

“So I'm sitting on a flight back from North Dakota. I happen, with my undeserved luck, to be sitting by the cutest girl. Of course, no matter how my charming reputation speaks for itself, I get really nervous around beautiful girls I meet for the first time. So I play it cool, throw glances at her every once in a while because I find her so attractive, and pretend to read my book. I happen to have a notebook on my lap also that I was writing song lyrics in. About forty minutes into the flight, I built up the nerve to carry out my brilliant plan. I turn to a blank page in my notebook and write, "Where are you headed?" and set the opened notebook on her lap. She stares at it for a couple seconds, her face expressionless, and writes, "Same place you're headed." We divulge in this endless banter, most of it just smart ass remarks and witty comebacks, until we reach California. She never looked at me once until we were inside the terminal. She smiled at me, I smiled back. Then we parted ways. I still have those pages somewhere.” - Andrew, 26

“After a second date I hugged the girl goodbye. The date had gone so well and it seemed like we didn’t know how to end it, but we ended up hugging. After she went inside I drove away and then turned around and drove back. I texted her to come outside. When she came back outside I walked up to her and kissed her, ending the date the proper way.” - Nathan, 27

"Most impressive thing I've done for a girl was gift her with a portrait of herself.... Showcased a piece of my soul. Girls like art, especially when it's of them.  Word to Titanic" - Rod, 27


Have you ever done something romantic or received a romantic gesture? Comment below and share your story!


Published in Love + Dating
Saturday, 14 July 2012 00:54

Dating | Soul Mates + The One

July 16, 2012

We all want a soul mate. “The One.”


Your perfect partner who can read your mind + finish your sentences.
We want fate + fireworks.


But believing in predetermined destiny is limiting.
It leaves little room for adventure + what life may want to give you.
What if The One isn’t who you thought they would be?


Love isn’t always syrupy sweet kisses + walking off into the sunset.
Sometimes the purpose of a soul mate is to tear down your walls, shake you awake, reveal new parts of yourself.


They become a mirror that exposes new dimensions of you,
parts that you may relish in or shrink from.
Soul mates give you the opportunity to notice personal obstacles.
And then actually do something about them.


They can force you to your own leading edge.
To grow.
Expand.
Develop.


But all that emotional fever does not guarantee that they are your life partner.
Often riveting romances grip us in their clutch just to introduce the prospect of ruthless awareness.
Introspection.
They make us so loony + out of control that we have to evolve + transform.


Sometimes it’s their job to break your heart open.
And then leave.


I’m convinced that our cultural understanding of soul mates and
“The One” are small, limiting + incomplete.
Lacking breath + depth.


We don’t give “soul mates” enough credit for their potential emotional upheaval + transformative waves. Soul mates are not necessarily forever. Sometimes they come into our lives just to introduce us to a demon we need to beat.  And then they leave.


And we must muster up the courage to let them go.
Because they were never supposed to stay.

Realize that they were the messenger + now we are left with the task of growing and evolving.


And “The One?”  Doesn’t that sound a bit fairy tale-ish?
I’m not intimating that you’re not allowed strong ideas around what you want in a relationship but the rigidity of a romance complete with zero confrontation or compromise and a partner who is an ideal height, weight, eye color and  “always” gets you the perfect anniversary present?


Well, it is, perhaps, a bit unrealistic.  And leaves little room for variety.


Maybe your otherwise perfect partner will always leave the wet laundry in the washer until you find it.


Maybe they like Italian food when you want Sushi.


Maybe they’re THE worst gift giver and you always have to return what they buy you.


Maybe they’re not who your mother/father/co-workers/friends think you would have chosen.


Does this make them not The One?


The One is “The One” because you say so.


It’s the partner you declare THE one and only.
The partner who, in your own way, you love like they are “The One.”


So don’t discount that amazing person because of their height.
Or because you can’t complete each other’s sentences.
Or because you occasionally argue.
And don’t cling to a soul mate who’s served their purpose of opening you up and breaking you free.


You get to choose your own One.
Who you love is up to you.


Published in Love + Dating
Wednesday, 27 June 2012 21:09

Dating | #TrueStory I Date Older Men

July 2, 2012 

Ever since I was old enough to want a boyfriend, I didn’t really want a boy. I wanted a man. Not that I was 18 wanting to date 40-year-old men; I just admired guys who were at least a few years older.

Why, you ask? Well, guys who were older than me always seemed to have a lot more to offer.  For instance, when I was in high school I went out with an older guy and he was able to take us to the movies in his truck.  That sure beat us having to load into my mom’s bright blue mini-van and get dropped off. Perk? I think so. 

When I was 19, I dated someone who was 23. Although the age difference isn’t that large, he had already graduated college and wasn’t nearly as wild and immature as the 19-year-old frat boys screaming “SHOTS!” while running around without their shirts on. The lack of embarrassment was yet another perk.

Now at age 23, I’m engaged to an older man.  He is confident, has a good head on his shoulders, and is secure with who he is, what he wants out of life, and how I fit into the equation.  In his younger days he may not have been ready for this kind of relationship, but at this point in his life he is. 

Throughout my adult life, I’ve always seen value in dating someone who is one step ahead of the game. In my opinion, guys who have lived a few more years than guys my age have gone through more life lessons and have more insights to share with a younger woman. These years usually add up to men with more maturity, experience, and wisdom. An older boyfriend can not only be a loving partner; he can also serve as a mentor, role model and protector. And while not all women seek this type of relationship, many women do.

An older guy is usually more in-tune with what he wants, both professionally and personally. If a long-term relationship is what you’re looking for, older men are much more inclined to be on the same page. Guys usually need at least a few years of freedom before they are ready to “settle down,” and guys who are a little older tend to have gotten most of this out of their system. With time, men reach a point where they start to really value the idea of a relationship and having someone special to spend time with.  It’s much more healthy to date someone who is ready to date!  

It’s also nice to date someone who has worked out a lot of kinks already! In my experience, an older guy knows how to better treat and please a lady.  They have more experience dealing with women and hopefully have learned from mistakes they’ve made in the past. Of course, there’s exceptions to this rule:  there are plenty of young/mature and older/immature guys out there.  But in general, wisdom and maturity do come with age.  

I’m by no means saying that dating an older guy is the key to happiness in relationships for everyone.  We all look for different qualities in a partner, and each individual is their own person.  But for me, dating a few steps above my age range has worked out really well.  

Have you had any experience dating outside your age group?  Share with us in the comments; we’d love to know your thoughts!


Published in Love + Dating
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